The Unemployed Professional: Fellowship of Suffering

There is something powerful about having walked in the shoes of someone that is currently suffering. The pastor of our church in Atlanta, Andy Stanley, did a sermon on this very topic a couple years ago called, "In the Mean Time" (click here if you wish to watch the message) in which he describes a situation of parents losing a young child. Having three beautiful children myself, I can’t imagine that there can be anything worse than that.

But that is the point of the lesson. I can’t even imagine. I can't relate. If I am ever in a position of being a friend to someone walking through this tragedy, I can support them as a close friend. I can be a shoulder to cry on. I can listen. I can just be there. I can provide bible quotes and words of inspiration. I can pray with, and for, the family. But I cannot relate. I cannot fully understand. I cannot see the world through their eyes. In that area, I fall very, very short. 

It isn’t until someone who has been where they are shows up. Someone that has felt that level of pain and suffering. It is the moment they can look them in the eye, give them a hug, and tell them, 'I understand. I know what you are going through. And look at me… You will get through this." Those that have been down the path already can assure them, "You will never forget. You will never be fully healed, but you will survive. You will heal. And I am living proof." That is the moment that they can begin to feel comforted. Those words of wisdom can come from a complete stranger, and in a very real and concrete way, they can provide more comfort than family, friends and pastors in their time of need. This is call the fellowship of suffering.

I've been writing a lot recently to support those that I have met who find themselves in job transition and I recently gave a devotion to a networking group about this topic. I believe that in finding a room full of people going through a similar struggle, you will find support and understanding that you might not have anywhere else. This is a principle that applies, across the board, for anything you are going through. And with the right perspective, you can move past just about any struggle and begin to see the reason you are going through a trial; the purpose for the pain. 

The fellowship of suffering is a three part process towards healing. Step number one is receiving healing words from someone that has walked the walk. We have already discussed the first point; if you are currently going through a trial, you will receive more comfort from someone that has walked the path already than just about anyone else you will encounter.

Second, if you are the comforter, the one that has been there before, you too will receive an emotional lift through the very act of providing support. Isn't it the case that you feel better by serving others? We know this of course, but, at least for me, sometimes I narrow down service projects to the typical.... go to a nursing home. Clean up a neighbor's yard that cannot do so themselves. Serve meals at a food pantry... All these are amazing opportunities to serve those in need, but sometimes those that are in need do not outwardly look as though they need help. However, with the right previous set of experiences, those are the ones that you can have the biggest effect on. That alone is a powerful knowledge; to know that you can comfort and serve simply by having walked the walk, and by being there for the "next generation of sufferers".

The third part is one step deeper. It is the realization that you may have walked through a specific set of events specifically because you are needed to help others through your experiences. In knowing that your experience is now providing you the power and the unique ability to walk someone else through a struggle, you now can begin to provide a purpose for your pain. 

The question is asked all the time. Why do good things happen to good people?

What if the answer is because it is those good people that will, in turn, do something with that pain? 

You hear stories of this all the time. A celebrity such as Michael J Fox, who has Parkinson's Disease and becomes an outspoken ambassador for the cause. A support group for those suffering from drug abuse that is led by a recovering addict. Or maybe a regular suburban dad and husband, that found himself in career transition who found a passion for serving those who were walking the same walk. 

I have enjoyed this phase of my personal and professional life. As I change my mental status from unemployed to employed I am thankful for the opportunity to have fellowship with those that I have met over the last few months. I have never met a more capable, passionate, giving, talented and articulate set of people than I have at C3G, One Thing for Men and the other networking functions I have found during this season of my life. It has been an honor to relate, receive, and give back to these folks. I have been on all ends of the fellowship of pain with my new friends. I have received comfort, I have given comfort, and through my website class and this blog I have been able to put a purpose to my struggle of job search. 

If you have suffered loss. If you have seen tragedy in your life. If you have gone through a struggle, I encourage you to seek out those that are now going through a similar season. Serve them. Comfort them. Be the one to look at them and tell them, 

"Look at me. I have been where you are. I understand. You will get through this as well."

I continue to encourage each one of you to keep climbing. 

John

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like Him in death.” – Philippians 3:10

Timely Transitions: By Rebekah Clough

Transitions are hard. You expect one thing and get another. The difference between what you expect and what you get is typically called “DISAPPOINTMENT.” I’m learning to call it “JOY.”

My story…

As a college graduate, I planned a life-long career as a sign language interpreter. Most things were going as anticipated, until I burned out my arms by excessive use (think Carpal Tunnel pain throughout both arms). I experienced significant loss that I could no longer use my God-given ability. This loss impacted me physically, emotionally and mentally.

Since then, I’ve worked in a few different jobs, trying to find my next career. In the process, I’ve met some wonderful people, both colleagues and bosses. I’ve also discovered some skills that I would have never unearthed, had I remained as a sign language interpreter.

So, all of this has helped me reframe my thought process about job transitions. While they are challenging (and even frightening), they can be insightful and generate great personal satisfaction.

Steps:

1)   I have learned that life is a journey, not a destination. 

I love the quote, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.” That has inspired me even in the darkest times of my career.

A few years ago, my husband and I were both laid off at the same time. We chose to see the time together as a gift, instead of just a set-back.

Nature is one of the best reminders for me of transitions. The changing seasons, realizing ALL seasons are needed for growth—not just Spring and Summer. I love this poem that emphasizes the value of each season. Every Season of My Soul. Also, a great resource for bringing healthy perspective to change is Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud.

2)   I have reached out to friends and family.

I have realized — and perhaps you will realize the same thing — that being vulnerable is hard, but necessary.  You may realize the folks that you thought would help you most, don’t even respond. But you may also find people – who you least expect – become your biggest cheerleaders. My recent coworkers have become my biggest advocates, and that has meant the world to me.

3)    I have learned the value to do one hard thing every day.

I often dread doing something hard, but find that not only am I energized by it, I feel better about myself, and humanity in general. Laying aside our insecurities is frightening. For some, picking up the phone to make a cold call, going to the dentist, confronting someone, wondering what others think, if you strike up a conversation in the elevator. What is your hard thing that you must “gather up your courage” to accomplish?

Recently I was an attendee in an auditorium during a Christmas program and realized there was a deaf person on the front row, obviously confused because there was no interpreter. I saw the need and was compelled to meet it. However, was I willing to gather my courage and stand up in the middle of the program, in front of everyone, and move to the front row to give this guy a gift?  I struggled with it, but did accept the challenge. What I found: great satisfaction seeing my interpreting come alive again, and even more satisfaction hearing this guy had attended this Christmas program for 10 years and had never understood the story. He was incredibly grateful. I knew I had connected with a person and done the right thing. That is very empowering.

Find some great people – anywhere – and also expand your network in the process. Pick just one hard thing each day, and you will find that your cumulative courage inspires you to be stronger each day.  

4. I have learned to take inventory of my skills.

I realized that I have multiple talents and skills. And I’m sure you do too. Look at the things you do that may not be “tangible” for your resume, as well as the things that are.

For example, I’m good at managing projects and making sure they are completed. That’s a tangible project management skill. But I’m also good at encouraging others to meet their goals. I’m sure some people would call that “coaching”, but I like to consider it being a good colleague.

I also found that I have some skills that I can develop for future jobs. For example, I’m good at budgets and cutting costs. So recently, I’ve taken accounting courses to get formal training.

Thus, look at your wide range of skills. Some can be listed on Linkedin or developed for your next career. Others can be skills that bring you great personal satisfaction. Either way, they help define you and what you can bring to your next company. Here is an assessment that I've found helpful because it evaluates four different areas: skills, interest, personality, and values. https://www.crossroadscareer.org/careerdirect/

As much as transitions are frightening, I’ve learned to manage them a lot better and understand that disappointment can really become joy. To do so, you and I must learn to reframe our thinking.….We don’t always get what we want. But the happiest folks are those who are happy with what they have. 

About The Author:

Rebekah Clough is new to blogging, but excited about trying new things. She likes productivity, people and spending time in a coffee shop, with a good cup of tea.  She has tremendous faith in people and God, and believes life is to be lived well.To learn more about Rebekah, click here

Lessons From The Mountain #3: A Mountain Lesson on Work Life Balance

Over the last few weeks, I have been highlighting the lessons that have been learned through my mountaineering experience that are applicable on the ground in the business world. Each week, I have discussed a simple little truth that hopefully allows you to maintain a positive perspective; regardless of what you are going through at work. I hope you enjoy week three. Feel free to comment and share. 

Lesson #3: 

Save some for the return. While on the mountain, it is so easy to set your sights on the top and convince yourself that the summit is your goal. But what any seasoned mountaineer will tell you is that the summit is only halfway. Your goal is always making it back down and making it home. In every case of climbing, the return trip is the hardest and most demanding but the most overlooked. You have expelled your energy on the way to the top and now, with your energy depleted, you run the risk of a misstep, a simple error or a fall that could cause serious injury; possibly death. You need unbelievable focus despite what you have just achieved. This is often the part of the climb that is overlooked while driving forward, step after step towards the top.

It struck me as I was making my way down Mt Rainier this year that this is a great analogy for the balance between my home life, and my professional life. For way too many years, I focused almost exclusively on the "summit" of my career, be that a title, a project, or a dollar figure. And the return trip, my time at home, was neglected. I hadn't left enough in the tank for the ones that loved me. For those of us that are naturally prone to "workaholism", this can be easy to do and, if we are honest with ourselves, this is a common pitfall of all of us. 

All too often, we get tunnel vision around our careers, and we forget that we are to be just as focused on the return; our personal life. Emails creep into dinner. Conference calls interrupt our kids' soccer and baseball games and and our thoughts are filled with the dealings of our profession while they should be focused on the beautiful (or handsome) person we are walking through life with. We have distractions and those distractions erode into the focus that we should be giving to those that we love. As in mountaineering, this lack of focus and weariness is where the injuries can and do most often occur. 

This is not to say that our professional goals should be decreased and our drive should disappear. In fact, for those of you that are christian, it is written in Colossians 3: 23, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." It is a biblical principle that we are to be motivated, and driven, and that we should seek excellence in all that we do. We should still drive for the top, but we need to learn to train ourselves to achieve our own professional summit while leaving enough for the personal trip home. The return trip should not take away from our drive towards the summit. You just need to prepare adequately for the round trip; the full package.

Here are a couple quick ways that you can save some in the tank for those you love. 

1. Quiet your world for 5 minutes before walking through the door. Give yourself 5 minutes of time with no traffic, no calls, no email, no distractions to think about the things that you are most looking forward to as you walk through the front door, our out of your home office. Communicate what you are most looking forward to, to your family. "Tonight, I can't wait to....  .... with y'all!"

2. Invest and train in your personal health. If you are going to operate at your best in all you do, you can't do it without proper training. Exercise is not just about looking better in your suit. It will calm your mind, increase your stamina and allow more focus into your life. Summits can never be reached without proper training. 

3. Talk openly at home when you have a heads up that work will increase for a time and that times of stress will be coming. Explain why you need to take this extra work on and align personal goals through this season with professional ones. Often, we know in advance that a season of extra work is coming, but we fail to communicate that at home in advance. We see that budget season is upon us. Or that a new client will be coming on board, or that someone key is off work and we all need to step in to assist in the extra work created. Get your spouse involved in the process and communicate those times in advance and together as a team you can manage through the rough times. 

4. Practice your profession. Just as I was the weirdo jogging up and down the hills of my neighborhood with my pack on while training for the mountain, so you should be practicing your profession. Not great at reading a P&L, ask for help. Don't have the product knowledge you feel you should? Take someone out for coffee that knows. Don't know how to manage an Excel file properly? Take a class. The list of opportunities for training and improvement are everywhere and an increase in knowledge will decrease the emotional energy you expel on stress of the unknown leaving more for those that are at home. The longer you operate as if you are not living up to your true potential, both at home, and at the office, the more emotionally drained you will be. 

As you go through your day today, remember, the time you spend at your desk, on the phone, in the board room or with your customers, is just half the journey. You need to have balance in your life. If you use up all your energy during your day gig on your way to the summit, you will have nothing left in the tank for those that you share life with at home. What are some best practices you have learned to keep some energy in the tank for your return trip?

Keep climbing and check in next week as we end this series with the importance of a positive perspective. 

John

About the author:

My name is John Constantine and I am a sales and marketing executive living in suburban Atlanta. Throughout my career, I have been able to drive growth repeatedly in a variety of capacities. As a sales leader, I have built, expanded, and improved high performing teams to promote expansion and profitability. As a marketing executive, I have led teams in the creation and launching of new brands and products. I have managed inbound lead generation campaigns and created online and print branding standards that stand out from the pack and engage employees to take pride in their organization. As an executive of strategic initiatives and a field operations leader, I have implemented programs and processes that have differentiated my organizations and provided predictable revenue forecasting to the C-suite; all the while increasing productivity and accountability of the front-line team members in the organization. 

 To learn more, go to http://www.johnaconstantine.com/