The Unemployed Professional: Fellowship of Suffering

There is something powerful about having walked in the shoes of someone that is currently suffering. The pastor of our church in Atlanta, Andy Stanley, did a sermon on this very topic a couple years ago called, "In the Mean Time" (click here if you wish to watch the message) in which he describes a situation of parents losing a young child. Having three beautiful children myself, I can’t imagine that there can be anything worse than that.

But that is the point of the lesson. I can’t even imagine. I can't relate. If I am ever in a position of being a friend to someone walking through this tragedy, I can support them as a close friend. I can be a shoulder to cry on. I can listen. I can just be there. I can provide bible quotes and words of inspiration. I can pray with, and for, the family. But I cannot relate. I cannot fully understand. I cannot see the world through their eyes. In that area, I fall very, very short. 

It isn’t until someone who has been where they are shows up. Someone that has felt that level of pain and suffering. It is the moment they can look them in the eye, give them a hug, and tell them, 'I understand. I know what you are going through. And look at me… You will get through this." Those that have been down the path already can assure them, "You will never forget. You will never be fully healed, but you will survive. You will heal. And I am living proof." That is the moment that they can begin to feel comforted. Those words of wisdom can come from a complete stranger, and in a very real and concrete way, they can provide more comfort than family, friends and pastors in their time of need. This is call the fellowship of suffering.

I've been writing a lot recently to support those that I have met who find themselves in job transition and I recently gave a devotion to a networking group about this topic. I believe that in finding a room full of people going through a similar struggle, you will find support and understanding that you might not have anywhere else. This is a principle that applies, across the board, for anything you are going through. And with the right perspective, you can move past just about any struggle and begin to see the reason you are going through a trial; the purpose for the pain. 

The fellowship of suffering is a three part process towards healing. Step number one is receiving healing words from someone that has walked the walk. We have already discussed the first point; if you are currently going through a trial, you will receive more comfort from someone that has walked the path already than just about anyone else you will encounter.

Second, if you are the comforter, the one that has been there before, you too will receive an emotional lift through the very act of providing support. Isn't it the case that you feel better by serving others? We know this of course, but, at least for me, sometimes I narrow down service projects to the typical.... go to a nursing home. Clean up a neighbor's yard that cannot do so themselves. Serve meals at a food pantry... All these are amazing opportunities to serve those in need, but sometimes those that are in need do not outwardly look as though they need help. However, with the right previous set of experiences, those are the ones that you can have the biggest effect on. That alone is a powerful knowledge; to know that you can comfort and serve simply by having walked the walk, and by being there for the "next generation of sufferers".

The third part is one step deeper. It is the realization that you may have walked through a specific set of events specifically because you are needed to help others through your experiences. In knowing that your experience is now providing you the power and the unique ability to walk someone else through a struggle, you now can begin to provide a purpose for your pain. 

The question is asked all the time. Why do good things happen to good people?

What if the answer is because it is those good people that will, in turn, do something with that pain? 

You hear stories of this all the time. A celebrity such as Michael J Fox, who has Parkinson's Disease and becomes an outspoken ambassador for the cause. A support group for those suffering from drug abuse that is led by a recovering addict. Or maybe a regular suburban dad and husband, that found himself in career transition who found a passion for serving those who were walking the same walk. 

I have enjoyed this phase of my personal and professional life. As I change my mental status from unemployed to employed I am thankful for the opportunity to have fellowship with those that I have met over the last few months. I have never met a more capable, passionate, giving, talented and articulate set of people than I have at C3G, One Thing for Men and the other networking functions I have found during this season of my life. It has been an honor to relate, receive, and give back to these folks. I have been on all ends of the fellowship of pain with my new friends. I have received comfort, I have given comfort, and through my website class and this blog I have been able to put a purpose to my struggle of job search. 

If you have suffered loss. If you have seen tragedy in your life. If you have gone through a struggle, I encourage you to seek out those that are now going through a similar season. Serve them. Comfort them. Be the one to look at them and tell them, 

"Look at me. I have been where you are. I understand. You will get through this as well."

I continue to encourage each one of you to keep climbing. 

John

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like Him in death.” – Philippians 3:10